It has been a hot minute since I have written anything down and although I have thought about it, it just didn’t come easy-therefore it just didn’t happen.
June has become the longest and most weird month for me as I lost my dad almost 4 years ago the end of this month. I sometimes find it hard to even comprehend that I won’t ever see him again, hear him say “hello darlin’” or see that smirky grin when he was proud of me.
My Dad was where I get my crazy from, where I get my give no fucks attitude from, where I get my love for all things British and where I get my acne from (screw you Dad and your damn crappy skin) lol!! Kidding aside I am more of my Dad then I ever realized and it took him passing away to realize that!
My relationship with my dad was complicated in a way that we didn’t understand each other or “get” each-other until later in my life because…well I am like a clone of my mom and he and her separated when I was 2-how could he comprehend and accept that there was a miniature version of the person he was no longer with running around out there-let alone one that he had to parent!
I was, am and will always be a Mama’s girl but my Dad and I had a bond that was built on tough terrain, with a lot of learnt trust and a strength that continues to build even though he is no longer here in person. A relationship that never needed to be explained to anyone-he and I knew what we had and it was often unspoken and was never really unpacked fully.
My Dad and I took a trip to England for 3 weeks-yep 21 days together when I was 18! Wow!!!
Let’s just say we hashed out everything, came back not talking the whole way home and loved each-other everyday from that day forward without judgement! I told him how I felt growing up, how I felt about his choices and what I needed moving forward and vice versa-from then on it was always a thoughtful, respectful and a no bullshit relationship!
He was one of those people that made you feel special, made you feel like he was your best-friend, didn’t like to talk smack about people, loved gardening, loved to drive and eat chip truck fries, loved to dance, loved to fish, boat, travel, eat seafood, gamble, enjoy good drinks, loved to smoke like a chimney and always repeated himself over and over again if he felt something was amazing!!! IYKIK!! He was always the guy who was the life of the party and loved with his whole heart-I may have a few of his traits…
He also was a man who was never fussy, never needed stuff, never needed to have the best of the best. If it was him and he had his family around with him, that was all he needed and in turn it was the best!
My Dad grew up in a very posh family in Britain but you would never know it, his deck shoes always had holes in them, he would always look for deals and would always be wearing blue jeans (comb near by for his side part) and a tucked in t-shirt. Nothing fancy was how he rolled! Although, wine was always to be drank from a proper wine glass followed by a long family traditional cheers of “I look towards you” with a reply of “and I likewise bow.“ There was tradition that ran strong through his veins but he never felt the need to keep up with anyone when it came to looks, things or social status. He was him and if you didn’t like it-he didn’t even notice.
He would always give in if you begged him long enough, loved a wood burning anything, was known to frequent the legion and knew how to throw down some amazing Yorkshire puddings!
His talents (best whistler around) and quirky ways were endless but the one thing he was the best at were hugs! They were like a bear hug that you never wanted to end.
I guess with Father’s Day here I find myself a little sad but I also find myself happy because I was lucky enough to have him for the time I did! I am lucky enough to have known and understand who he was, I am lucky enough to know that despite tricky times there can always be a better tomorrow & finally I am and lucky to be the daughter of a man who did the best he knew how and even when he didn’t know he made me feel like he was always willing to try to learn. For that, I am forever grateful!
I don’t have any major wisdom to give out, nor am I here to write a Hallmark card but I can speak from experience when I say, not all people are created equally and not all people in your life will love you like they should or like you deserve but just know that they love you like they know how to, how they were taught or with the capacity they have in that moment-just know however, timing is not always parallel with love and that is the trickiest part.
Time is a wonderful thing but don’t waste it.
Take today and wish all the father figures the best day ever-it doesn’t have to be a grand gesture but the time you can spend together is the time you can’t get back.
Happy Father’s Day to the ones who are here, the ones who are not, the ones who wish to be and the ones who have stepped up and taken that nurturing role in your life no matter who that is to you or who you are to them ♥️
Just celebrate today for another gift that it is and love the people who love you!